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You don’t believe in God?

Earlier this week, I read a post by a lady that broke my heart. I share my answer here for all who do not believe that God exists since He allows bad things to happen.

My dear Sister, it sounds as though you have been abused in horrible ways, and my heart goes out to you. I wish I could comfort you by putting my arms around you and taking you away from those who harmed you. But, I am not there in person. I can only share with you what I have learned in my 70 years of life.

Right now, you do not believe that God exists, however, that is only because you don’t know Him. Bless your heart. That is not your fault. All you have experienced is the pain of life, not the joy of knowing Him.

God will not stop anyone from using their own agency. At times, we must step back mentally and allow others to do what they do. We can warn and caution, but then we must let them make their own choices. God will make them pay for what they have done to you. Those who are kind to you, will be blessed for that kindness. If you make bad choices, He will not stop you, for the same reason.

At one time there was a major war regarding two options: our having the right to choose for ourselves or being compelled to do everything. Jesus Christ came to Earth in a body just like ours so that He could learn how we feel and why we do the things we do. He came to help us be able to get back home – where we are loved and cared for. He also had to suffer at the hands of evil people, just as we do. The only difference between Jesus Christ and us is that He was half God and half Mortal. The mortal part meant He could die a physical death. The God part meant he had the power within himself to overcome death and finish the plan God wanted for us who chose agency.

The fact that you have a body of flesh and bone with blood means that you chose agency. Which meant you would have to suffer, just as Jesus Christ suffered. Which also meant you would have to allow others their agency as well.

God is anxious to bless you, but you must trust Him. Do you know how tiny a mustard seed is? Go to a garden shop and ask to see one. A mustard seed amount of faith is all you need to ask for God’s help to understand. He will help you to find Him. He will do that for you, I promise. I was an abused as a baby, child and youth. When I was a young adult I was also abused in ways that would make your skin crawl. Yet, I came to know that God cares. He really does and He will show you if you will allow Him to.

Sorry to be so long winded, but I could not sleep until I bore my testimony to you. Gentle hugs from a sister who has been there, and come to really know God personally. You are one of His daughters, and He wants you to know that. Look at the sky in the morning and think about what there is to bless you. The very air you breathe, trees and flowers, animals, planets and stars, and YOU!

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What would happen?

 

What would happen if today you heard God asked, “Do you love me? Do you love my son, Jesus Christ?”

 

Would you look up and say yes? Would you wonder why He had to ask?

 

What would happen if you look at what you have hanging on your walls? Would you see pictures of what you believe Jesus looks like? Would you see pictures of your family? What do you see in your home; those things that money can buy or those things that help you be a good person and a family?

 

What would happen if you go from room to room in your home and see if there is anything there that might tell your children or friends that you love Jesus? Would you see anything to even show that you know of Him?

 

What would happen if you had the Ten Commandments hanging in your home rather than a poster of a sports figure or famous movie star or singer? If you can find a Holy Bible in your own home, what would happen if you dusted it off and read it?

 

What would happen if you looked closely in your life and see if you are kind to others? What would happen if you smile when you walk by the stranger? Do you ever talk to God so He knows your voice? Do you know what His voice sounds like?

 

What would happen if you were willing to “show” God that you love Him? What would happen if you showed Jesus Christ that you are grateful that He died for you?

 

God was willing to send His Beloved Son to Earth for you. What are you willing to do for Him?

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God Is:

“For as I passed by, and beheld your devotions, I found an altar with this inscription, TO THE UNKNOWN GOD. Whom therefore ye ignorantly worship, him declare I unto you.
“God that made the world and all things therein, seeing that he is Lord of heaven and earth, dwelleth not in temples made with hands;
“Neither is worshipped with men’s hands, as though he needed any thing, seeing he giveth to all life, and breath, and all things;
“And hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation;
“That they should seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us:
“For in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain also of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring.
“Forasmuch then as we are the offspring of God, we ought not to think that the Godhead is like unto gold, or silver, or stone, graven by art and man’s device.
“And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent:
“Because he hath appointed a day, in the which he will judge the world in righteousness by that man whom he hath ordained; whereof he hath given assurance unto all men, in that he hath raised him from the dead.” (Acts 17:23-29)

In the very first book written in Holy rite we find this truth:

“And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” (Genesis 1:26-27)

Many people do not understand this one basic fact: We are not just “form” or “essence” but rather we are specific beings (both form and essence), male and female. Together, we are “man”. Which is actually short for mankind.

God has an “image” just like our “image”. He has a head with hair and body parts, with passions, emotions, and feelings.

God is an “Eternal” Father and “Mother”. Not that his body contains both sexes, oh no. But rather there are “two” who became as one.

Just as a person marries a person of the opposite gender to become “one”. Father and Mother come together to create another person. Just as you created your children, so our Heavenly Father and Mother created Jesus Christ. First a child is created spiritually (without a body) and then they are created mortally (with a body).

For me, this is “love”. Real love. I am like my Heavenly Mother. I have a Heavenly Father and they love me.

I also had a mortal mother. I had a mortal father. Together, they created my body and my Heavenly Parents placed my Spirit into that body. I shall be eternally grateful to them all for that gift.

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Tribute to Police

I want you to know that I honor and respect those who risk their lives to defend and protect the innocent. Those who go beyond the call of duty as they offer a kind word or a smile when they see someone who needs it.

My first encounter of kindness was because of a police officer who lifted me out of a tub of water where I was being drowned. I shall always hold a special place in my heart for him, and in memory of him, have forgiven the officers who have treated me unkindly because they did not know who I am.

In today’s world of strife and turmolt we hear more about the evil being done by people than the good being done by many. I would like to share my experiences with those who were kind in my life during times of trial.

Many times growing up I slept in trees rather than be sold to those who abused me in ways I will not talk about. I slept in a turkey ranch bathroom one time, and found that hiding place better than in the home of evil. Many times in my youth, when the police found me, they did lock me up because I refused to go home. Behind bars I was safe, and am grateful for that safety. I’m sure others find that strange, but for many children, it is the only form of safety they have. Thank you for all those you saved from things worse than most “normal” people understand.

As an adult, I worked at a Juvenile Hall and was able to help a few girls who were there for reasons I understood. I found I could not do it very long, because I wanted to take them home with me, but since I had no husband, I could not do that for them. I thank all those who take in older children and tolerate their deeds while they learn that there really are good people in the world.

After a burglary, when I was in my 20’s, police rescued me once again. At the police department, while I did not like the questions they ask and the photographs they took, I did understand why they had to do those things. Years after that, I became an advocate for those girls and women who had to suffer what needed to be done. I kept the officers from putting the blame on the wrong person. Know that even a hooker should not be raped or tortured. No female or male should be raped or tortured.

My second husband left me right after that rape baby was born. Back then, it was felt by some that cancer was contagious and he learned I had it and didn’t want to catch it. The night he left, I took the baby, got into my car and began to drive. I saw the lights in my rearview mirror. The officer came up to the window and saw that I had been crying. His partner saw the baby on the seat, opened the door and began to lecture me about the danger I put my child in. The first officer hushed his partner and drove me, the baby and my car to a donut shop. We sat and talked for a very long time. By the time I had calmed down, he called his wife and she and I stayed together for several days, until I was able to pack my things and find another place to live. We stayed friends for many years. I know that was above and beyond what most would have done. Thank you.

Many times I have had interaction with the police, some experiences were not good, when there was misunderstanding on how to treat a woman like me. I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) which began in my early youth and continued until old age.

I have known the fear of standing in front of loaded weapons to defend and protect the innocent. I have known the pain in trying to stop a person on drugs from doing harm to themselves or others. I know the frustration of having to not say or do anything when I see things I can not change. I know the nightmares of injuries inflicted by those who only wanted me dead. I also know the joy of helping someone and seeing them after the drama is over and they are doing well. I also know the peace that comes from knowing that even though sometimes we fail, we are not failures. The peace that comes when we do what is right even when all around us there is no peace. I know that we can stand when the earth shakes to help those who can not stand.

When you have been where the Police have been, then you can know most of them are doing the best they can with what they have to deal with. I salute the police. I honor you. I pray for God to bless and protect you. I know that angels are around you and recording all that happens to you.

Those who abuse anyone will have to answer for what they do, just as what we all do is put on the books in heaven and we will all be accountable for what we do. I know when we do good, in spite of what is going on around us, that God smiles and someday we shall receive our reward.

Thank you with all my heart for the kindnesses you have shown me and others.  

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On Prayer

Many people have heard the Lord’s prayer so often, they tend to ignore it. They know words, but not really understand what the words really mean. From the Holy Bible, in the Book of Luke in the New Testament (King James Version), we read:

“ And it came to pass, that, as he (Jesus) was praying in a certain place, when he ceased, one of his disciples said unto him, Lord, teach us to pray, as John also taught his disciples.
“And he said unto them, When ye pray, say, Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so in earth.
“Give us day by day our daily bread.
“And forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil.
“And he said unto them, Which of you shall have a friend, and shall go unto him at midnight, and say unto him, Friend, lend me three loaves;
“For a friend of mine in his journey is come to me, and I have nothing to set before him?
“And he from within shall answer and say, Trouble me not: the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give thee.
“I say unto you, Though he will not rise and give him, because he is his friend, yet because of his importunity he will rise and give him as many as he needeth.
“And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
“For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” (Luke 11:1-10)

It is by the much begging that caused that good man to get up and open the door and give the bread unto his friend. He knew that if he did not get up, his friend would nag him so much he would get no sleep.

Does God know that you will continue to plead with Him over your struggles? Do you tell Him that you need Him? Do you go to him over all your days? Do you share your joys and your sorrows with Him each and every day? How do you expect His help when He never hears from you?

One of the things God has asked of us, is to come to Him. He asked us to pray over everything: our fields, our flocks, our herds, our food, our drink, our children, our parents, over everything and that even includes our enemies.  From the Book of Mormon we read:

“Therefore may God grant unto you, my (sisters and) brethren, that ye may begin to exercise your faith unto repentance, that ye begin to call upon his holy name, that he would have mercy upon you;

“Yea, cry unto him for mercy; for he is mighty to save.

“Yea, humble yourselves, and continue in prayer unto him.

“Cry unto him when ye are in your fields, yea, over all your flocks.

“Cry unto him in your houses, yea, over all your household, both morning, mid-day, and evening.

“Yea, cry unto him against the power of your enemies.

“Yea, cry unto him against the devil, who is an enemy to all righteousness.

“Cry unto him over the crops of your fields, that ye may prosper in them.

“Cry over the flocks of your fields, that they may increase.

“But this is not all; ye must pour out your souls in your closets, and your secret places, and in your wilderness.

“Yea, and when you do not cry unto the Lord, let your hearts be full, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your welfare, and also for the welfare of those who are around you.” (Alma 34:17-27)

In my lifetime I have received more blessings than I can ever adequately give thanks for. The Lord has been so good to me. I have had so many experiences in sickness and in health that leave me with no shadow of a doubt in my heart and mind that there is a God in heaven, that He is our Father, and that He hears and answers our prayers.

As I look to, listen, and read what the prophets of God say, I treasure their words. My very first living prophet was Spencer W. Kimball, who said:

“We must remember that reverence is not a somber, temporary behavior that we adopt on Sunday. True reverence involves happiness, as well as love, respect, gratitude, and godly fear. It is a virtue that should be part of our way of life.” (Spencer W. Kimball)

It is my prayer that we may all remember to pray and bring God back into our lives on a daily basis. He needs to hear from us. I pray you will join your faith with mine in asking for His help in our lives and in our Country, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen

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Questions on my mind

Today is a Sabbath day for me. I love the Sabbath days that God has given unto His children. A day of rest from our labors. A day to meet with others and partake of the Sacrament in remembrance of Jesus Christ and him crucified for us.

As I was reading this morning, I came across things that prophets have spoken since days began about God’s laws. One of the very first laws God gave was for Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply. He never rescinded that law. All of their posterity (of which you and I are one) were under obligation to honor that same law.

When I was married, I told my husband I would give him no more children until he became a better father to the two I had given him. Big mistake on my part, because after our children were kidnapped, he wanted me to have more children, and I refused. I was grieving for that which I had lost, and did not want to create more with a man who would not protect us.

When my home was broken into a few years later (after my husband left) I became pregnant by strangers. I believe that little spirit was to have been mine and she wanted to come to earth so badly that she came the way she did just to get her body. If I had not refused my husband, perhaps she could have come to a married father and mother. I did give her life, yet, when I had cancer I had to give her up. God wanted me to have children, yet, that was not to be my joy in this life. I was never to give birth to another child.

This morning, I read something that one of the prophets of this last dispensation said. I would like to share it with you:

…”If the love of the world and wicked practices of the world mean more to a man and a woman then to keep the commandment of the Lord in this respect (to multiply) then they shut themselves off from the eternal blessing of increase. Those who willfully and maliciously design to break this important commandment shall be damned. They cannot have the Spirit of the Lord.” . . .

“If we refuse to live by the covenants we make, especially in the house of the Lord, then we cannot receive the blessings of those covenants in eternity. If the responsibilities of parenthood are willfully avoided here, then how can the Lord bestow upon the guilty the blessings of eternal increase? It cannot be, and they shall be denied such blessings (Joseph Fielding Smith 1955 – Doctrines of Salvation 2: 87-89)

I was not a member of the Lord’s true church when I married my husband, so we were not sealed in marriage, although I did believe in my vows (until death us do part). I remarried after the rape, and my first husband was not dead (He had obtained a divorce for mental cruelty since I refused him). Until I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day-saints I did not even know what a Temple was. Now, I honor my covenants with the Lord. Knowing the great blessings God wants us to have, not just in this life, but for all eternity helps me to keep going.

Over years past, I have been able to help other women who got pregnant, either by incest, rape, or by sex outside of marriage. I have felt good in helping them to learn truth in time to save the child they otherwise would have aborted. I know many women can not give birth to a child, and the only way they can have a family is to adopt others children. I believe that those sweet little ones came to earth so these good women can have that blessing.

In the world today, many have been tricked into not knowing what they were doing. Many are using abortion as a form of birth control. As I have seen women who have had abortions in the past learn truth, I strive to comfort them and let them know that since they did not know, the Atonement covers that sin of murder. I know many mourn and grieve for the rest of their lives over what was done. It also breaks my heart when I see so many blame God for their own bad choices.

Now that Planned Parenthood is being exposed for what they really do, many are speaking up and stopping the funding of these murders of the innocent. I am glad they are waking up.

Elder Melvin J Ballard  (Not the Apostle today, but his father whom he was named after) said the following:

. . .”About the throne of our Father are his children whose numbers are fixed and have not been changed nor altered from the beginning, so far as those who were to come to this earth are concerned; for they were seen, even from the days of Adam, the host of the unborn. They have cried around the throne of the Father night and day for the privilege of coming into earth life, and they seek that opportunity today.”

I am grateful that Father has not already burned the earth for what we have allowed to happen to those sweet little spirits in years past.  But I do know the day will come that all those who knowingly do these atrocities shall pay a high price, higher than they now know, for the millions of innocents they destroyed. The things done to these wee ones is worse than anything Hitler and those who followed him ever did to thousands of innocent people.

This is not just my opinion, for I know that God Himself is displeased with the shedding of innocent blood.

May God forgive us and help us to be valiant in keeping the commandments He has given us personally, is my prayer, in the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen

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I pray for the Spirit of the Lord to be with me, as I share with you truths which I have heard and know to be true.

“This is an age of digital information. Our computers have become windows through which we can gaze upon a world that is virtually without horizons or boundaries. Literally at the click of a button, we can browse through the digitized libraries of universities, museums, government agencies, and research institutions located throughout the world. A worldwide web of electronic connections now moves data at ever-increasing speed and volume along what we call the information superhighway. Through the windows of personal computer monitors in homes and offices, we can access this network of interconnected data banks to see texts, art, photos, maps, and charts and to hear music and speech that are stored in widely dispersed locations.

“The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints declares boldly that through another type of window, the windows of heaven, we can access spiritual information from the Source of light and truth. “We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.” (Articles of Faith: 1:9) In this dispensation of the fullness of times, the revelation superhighway has been carrying heavy traffic of eternal truth ever since that day in the spring of 1820 when the Lord answered a farm boy’s fervent prayer in the Sacred Grove and ushered in the restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

“Today, as in ancient times, God opens windows of gospel light and truth by revealing “his secret unto his servants the prophets.” (Amos 3:7) Those who have eyes to see, and ears to hear can learn eternal principles; view majestic vistas of knowledge, foresight, and wisdom; and receive direction on how to live their lives.

“The windows of heaven are open wide to the faithful and righteous; nothing closes them faster than disobedience. The unworthy cannot access fully the network of revealed truth. “The powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness.” (D&C 121:36) Obedience is the first law of heaven. That is why Alma exhorted us to “be humble, … submissive and … diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times.” (Alma 7:23)

“To open the windows of heaven, we must conform our will to God’s will. Diligent, enduring obedience to God’s laws is the key that opens the windows of heaven. Obedience enables us to be receptive to the mind and will of the Lord. “The Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; and the willing and obedient” (D&C 64:34) are those who receive the blessings of revelation through the open windows of heaven.”

“Members of the Lord’s church can joyfully echo these words of the prophet Mormon: “Behold, I am a disciple of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I have been called of him to declare his word among his people, that they might have everlasting life.”

“We are the Savior’s disciples who “shall go forth.” All of us are called of him to be missionaries to declare his word among his people.

“We should follow the counsel of President Spencer W. Kimball (another prophet of God) and “do it,” and he added, “Do it right now.”

“If we are to fulfill the Lord’s command to open the windows of heaven to all of our brothers and sisters, we must prepare to teach the gospel. With study of the scriptures, fasting, and prayer, we fortify our testimonies. We cultivate Christlike attributes of “faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness, godliness, charity, humility, and diligence.” (D&C 4:6) Through exemplary obedience, we can let our light so shine before men (and women), that they may see our good works, and glorify our Father which is in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16) By keeping the commandments, we can light our gospel candle and put it “on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.” (Matthew 5:15) (These were the words of Joseph B Wirthlin, another prophet of God in 1995. His talk was entitled: Windows of Light and Truth)

I am Maurica, being called after the name of my father, born in the land of America, which land God has set apart as a place where men and women can worship Him according to the dictates of their own hearts. My forefathers died that all of us might have this land of freedom. I live to help keep it free and introduce those who do not know God to Him and His beloved Son, even Jesus Christ.

Behold, I am a disciple of Jesus Christ, and while walking with Him and serving others, I have felt called to lift those who struggle as I did before I knew that He was my savior. I have been reaching out since long before I was blessed to hear the Good Word of God confirm to me that I am one of His. And since following the Lord’s will I have been blessed to be able to do even more than I had ever done before. I have felt more loved by being obedient to His commandments than I ever did by being obedient to others who claimed to love me.

As Moses said to the children of Israel as they went forth out of Egypt (Deuteronomy 29: 2-4) I say unto you who are living in Babylon; Nineveh; Sodom; Gomorrah or that which is just like they were:

“And Moses called unto all Israel, and said unto them, Ye have seen all that the Lord did before your eyes in the land of Egypt unto Pharaoh, and unto all his servants, and unto all his land;
“The great temptations which thine eyes have seen, the signs, and those great miracles:
“Yet the Lord hath not given you an heart to perceive, and eyes to see, and ears to hear, unto this day.”

I would that we all might listen to the prophets of God upon the earth in this day and age and follow the counsel of God’s chosen so we may return home to He who gave us life in the first place. And this is my prayer, in the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen.

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Stepping Stones

The drawing is one I did while I was being treated for major depression. In this article, I am sharing how I was helped, and pray you will understand how my experiences can help others.

When I was 3 years old my mother died. Doctors had told my mother she would die if she gave me life, yet she chose to allow me to live. Thus, my father believed I had murdered my mother, so I was treated poorly. He brought a woman home who ended up dying in prison for all she did to my sister and me. Over the years I have been in regular hospitals; mental hospitals; been drugged; lied to; tortured; and tied down. Before I was even 5 years old, I had been beaten to the point there was blood coming out of my ears. I had electro-shock-therapy treatments in the days before they had enough compassion to at least sedate you first. Back in the days of my youth they did not know how to treat a feral child who was born in America. They experimented on me and those who were like me. I know what life can be for many who are misunderstood.

I must share, for many years, not just in my youth, but also as an adult, I did not want to live. However, God did not want me to go home before I was able to find happiness, so He refused to allow me to die. Now, I can honestly say, I am grateful for my life. I have learned many things that work and many things that do not work. It is my wish to share some of the good things with you that have helped me when I get depressed.

First off, I want you to know that you need to talk about how you are feeling. If you are being abused by someone (and that includes yourself) you need to share why you have those black and blue marks or cuts. When someone hurts you in any way, you need to share that with someone you trust.

In my very early years, I spend a number of months living outside in my father’s back yard. Most people did not even know I was there. If my sister had not been clubbed in our front yard, and a neighbor saw it happen, I would have died in that backyard. The doctors said I had “protein malnutrition” and one judge called me a “feral child.” A rare condition for anyone in the United States at that time. Now, it is very common in most of our cities. There are many children without homes or who have been abandoned by parents. I know of children eating out of trash bins or digging through others leftovers. Many times, over the years, I have received telephone calls during the night to alert me that certain children were sleeping in Goodwill bins. I would go pick them up, bring them to my home; feed and nurture them, only to have to return them to those who did that to them in the first place. It breaks my heart to know that the courts place children back into such situations after the parent takes a few weeks of classes. When I was young, after I had been rescued that first time, I kept running away from those who abused me, only to be returned to abusive care. I did not then, nor now, ever want a child to be forced to return to that type of life. Yes, I know what mental illness looks like, both as one who has suffered and as a person who helps others heal from that type of suffering, no matter what age they might be.

I am here to tell you, there is hope. You can heal. You can move forward, but you have to put forth effort to do this. You can’t wait for others to heal you. No matter what drugs they give you, that will not heal you. Most drugs have side effects that are much worse than the illness. Drugs only block “feelings”, they never help you to “overcome” what you went through to make you feel this way in the first place.

In my humble opinion, when you are able to find truth, then you can really begin to heal. Truth can set you free from your past. Truth can assist you in living toward whom you really want to be. Who God meant you to be. And yes, I did say the “G” word. I believe in God. I mean, Look all around you. Do you see that Sun up in the sky? How do you think it got there? Why do you think it comes up each and every morning? Do you see that Moon at night? How do you think it got there? Can you find a flower (one that has not been sprayed with some kind of chemical) and really see it? Can you smell it? If you are blind, can you not feel that flower? Who do you think created that flower in the first place? Who do you think really created you? Sure, your mother may have given you the body, and your father may have created that body, but who do you think gives you breath each and everyday? End of lecture 1. Now back to what I started to share with you.

While I was living in our backyard, I learned a few things. A person can survive in nature even better than in society. Fresh air is good for a human, and since you are human, I suggest you get outside and breath every single day. Even when you don’t feel like going outside, at least open a window, if you are able to do that.

I also learned that food is very important. Back, when I was young, I only had the fruit that fell from the trees, or the wild things that the animals gave me. But you have other types of food. And I am not speaking of potato chips, hamburgers and french fries. I am speaking of fruits and vegetables. Clean water, when you can get it. Not anything with “additives”. God gave us food enough to last us a lifetime that is clean and pure and healthy for us. We need to be careful what we put into our bodies. When we put garbage in, we get garbage out. That is a fact.

Since I was 5 years old, I have been seen by “professional” people who tried to help. Some where able to put the body back together. Some gave me good advice. The others, I won’t discuss. One of the good ones told me to write things down, some said to use art and music to speak. I recommend those things to you.

For example: One time, they had me in a straightjacket in a padded cell. I had tried to kill myself when my children were kidnapped and that was the only way they could keep me alive. While I was in there, I began to remember what helped me growing up. The birds, from when I was little, used to come sit by me, and make music, and I learned that I could talk to them by making music. Mentally, while in that padded cell, I went back to that time out-of-doors and began to make music to calm myself. I closed my eyes and saw sunshine and flowers that God had given me when I was locked in a cold, dark closet when I was about 3 years old. I remembered my animal friends who have fed and nurtured me. I felt comforted, and once I was calm, they let me out of that room. But, I could never tell any of them what had calmed me down.

Over the years, I spent a lot of time locked up, until I finally learned how to talk to others. It had taken me until I was about 12 years old to learn how to speak words. Up until I left there, then, I went back to being afraid. I do hope and pray you were not treated as I was when I was young. But for those of us who were not allowed to speak, as adults we still struggle, when under a lot of stress, to find words that were not there growing up.

Thanks to good people, I have used Music and Art to help me talk many times. I drew pictures of many things. I drew that picture of my sister, whom I thought was dead. In that picture, you will see a tree, which represented my family, that egg, as she had been born early, the teddy bear, since it was the only toy she had from my mother. I drew it in black and white with only my hand in color, as I thought everything I loved was dead. I was told that it helped me to heal during a very rough time. I drew rain and animals. While in HollyGrove Home for Children, I used music to create rain and gave all my feelings in the music. One of my therapists spoke to me about my art, and he told me that it helped him to understand who I am. I liked and trusted him. He never tried to drug me, nor force me to do anything against my will. Now to my thinking, that is a good therapist. I am sorry to say, most places now treat mental illness with drugs only. I am grateful to find there are still places where a person can talk and be helped gently without drugs.

As I grew older, I began to keep what I call: my “positivity journal”. I recommend it highly and know it has helped many people. Each day, you open it and write down at least 3 things you are grateful for.

When I first started mine, the only thing I could think of was toilet paper. Now you may laugh, however, when I was young, I did not even know what that was. I know I was over 5 but under ten years old when I got to see and learn what toilet paper was for. A nurse showed me, and she even taught me how to use a toilet. Prior to that time, the only time I had used a toilet was when my head was being held into it by my step-mother.  There, at the hospital, when the nurse flushed that toilet, and I saw the water went down and took all my “stuff” with it, I smiled. She smiled too and I knew it was okay. I’m sure you can think of something in your life that you are grateful for, even if you might think it is silly, right?

A few times in my life, I have been blind. When I saw my sister laying in that pool of blood and my step-mother beating her, I lost my sight, and that was just temporary. As an adult, I had a hole in my right eye, and all the fluid drained out. Then I got a very bad infection and lost sight in both eyes. One of my grateful things now, is that I can see. I’m sure you will think of many things you are grateful for every day.

May I share a game with you that I learned from one of my therapists? I call it the 5-4-3-2-1 game.

When you are anxious, stressed or feeling out of it: Look around you and find 5 colors. Name them. Next, reach out and touch 4 things. Name them as you touch them. Was it cold, warm, rough, smooth? Next, open your ears and listen for 3 sounds. It might be a fan, or a bird, or music, whatever it is, try to find at least 3 sounds. Next, think of 2 things that you enjoy eating or drinking. Think about what they taste like. Next, I want you to smell something. Then name that smell.

What I did, was make a little box and put things in it that I like. For example: 5 pieces of cloth which were different colors and textures. 4 little things; a smooth stone, a paper clip, an eraser, and a small marble. I also included a small bag of cinnamon, and hand lotion (I like wild cherry). I also put pictures of the mountains and the ocean and flowers. I called that my “E-box” and kept it close bye for those times when I was stressed out.

I suffer from what is now called “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder” (PTSD). I lived in a “war zone” in my own family. Due to sexual trauma at a very early age, and having to live in so many different homes over my growing up years, I learned how to survive in many ways. Thus, I had what some Doctors called “Multiple Personality Disorder” (MPD), which they now label as “Dissociative Identity Disorder” (DID). A small child must develop different facets of their personality to “survive” when living in so many different homes. Doctors have no clue how those types of labels stigmatize children. We should never put labels on our children. Never! That does not cure them. That does not help them to heal. One doctor thinks one thing, another thinks another and thus the child is tossed back and forth and that only makes the original trauma worse.

Yes, I do tend to speak with a different voice when I am under a lot of stress. The reason being, it is hard for me to find voice, even though I am trying with all my might to speak. That “child” within me was never allowed to use a voice, thus I never learned how to communicate properly. That does not mean I must be “weird”. Due to the abuse of my early youth, at times I have pain in places that have no current injury. That does not mean I am crazy. That means there is a problem that has not been resolved, yet. It does not mean I am faking. It is very real.

For many years, they took people who were “mentally ill” and chained them to floors and tossed food at them to keep them alive. They felt that was humane. Things did get better in some ways, but even in the 1960’s we were not treated much better.

During the 1980’s many of us fought to help change the rules for the mentally ill, so we could have the right to refuse drugs and abuse. We helped those who suffer to not be raped by those who should have been protecting us. To not be drugged into compliance. But rather to obtain real help to heal, and many are still in that same fight. I’m sorry to say that some abuse the system, and thus make things worse. Those who are not really what they claim to be just so they can get away with crimes. I believe that we all need to held accountable for what we do. They allow prisoners to have food and shelter and clothing, but what are they doing for the mentally ill? Many live on the streets, having to do things that would turn your stomach if you knew.

Some learned that beating a child never helped that child to learn anything but hatred. Yelling at a child does not help them learn love. But allowing them to get away with doing wrong things never helped them to learn either. Lifting a child helps them feel loved. Teaching them right from wrong by example is the way they learn best. But many never got an opportunity to see that in action. All we saw was the wrong type of “love” .

I learned about real love at HollyGrove Home for Children in Los Angeles California back in 1957. I was the first child to be placed there from the court system. I only got to stay for one year, but in that year I saw for the first time what real love felt like. I got my first clean hug from the headmistress, Miss Margaret Ingram. I learned how to laugh right out loud. I learned how play. I learned about music from an old upright piano. I learned I could talk to someone and that person believed me, even though others called me a liar. I learned that when I did something naughty, I was held accountable for what I had done. Yet, I was loved in spite of my mistake. I was not a bad person, I had done a naughty thing, and I learned how to correct that mistake. All humans do naughty things from time to time, but that does not make us bad. Those who deliberately harm others are doing something bad. But since we don’t know why they do what they do, we need to stay away from them, or let others know who can and will stop them. I learned we can do things we might not want to do, and when we are asked by those who really love us (in the correct way), we can learn and grow by doing those things. For example: I learned how to clean the pots and pans in the kitchen and how to keep a place clean enough to be healthy and allow it to be dirty enough to be lived in. I love what “clean love” taught me. That year has stayed with me over 69 years. I still draw on what I learned from those wonderful people.

Anyway, I just want you to know, there is hope. There is a life after abuse. There is a life after depression. There is a way to overcome all things. And that is because there is a God who loves you. There is a God who sent His Son, Jesus Christ to show you that God loves you. Jesus Christ who is a God, suffered so He could know how You feel, and thus He can and will comfort You when you turn to Him. He not only came for those who do bad things, He came for you and me. For those of us who have been damaged and abused and neglected and misunderstood. He came for those of us who make mistakes and then repent and strive not to hurt others. He came before and is coming again to bring us all back to His presence. When we cry, He and all the angels in heaven cry. When we mourn, He mourns. When we suffer, He understands, because He also suffered.

Please, do not give up. There are ways out of what you are feeling. There are ways to find peace and happiness. There are those who really do care and want to help. There really are those who can help, but you have to do your part. You can’t just sit by and feel sorry for yourself, because that never did help you nor anyone else. I know, because I have been where you are. I know you can be as happy as you allow yourself to be.

You want to know how I know that? I lived it. I am still living it. And I shall continue to live it, even though I can not always walk; even though I can not always use my eyes; even though I can not always leave my home; even when I am locked up or tied down; I know that I have a form of peace, because: I know that God is watching. He sees everything and His angels keep records over everything that happens to His children, of which you and I are one. I know that when this life is over (and everyone dies sooner or later) He will make things right. I know that with all my heart and mind and will continue to live, looking forward to that day.

Hugs, from an woman who was once a child. A woman who was once a mother. A woman who was once a wife. A woman who was once abused, neglected, tortured, abandoned, sick and felt lost. A woman to whom the good Lord sent help to teach me who I really am. You may ask, “Who do you think you are?” I am a daughter of God, who is telling you that you too are a child of God, and there is hope.

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#Blessings, #Children, #Comfort, #Jesus Christ, #LDS, #love, #PresEyring, #ShareGoodness, #Truth

Children

“When you choose whether to make or keep a covenant with God, you choose whether you will leave an inheritance of hope to those who might follow your example.” Henry B Eyring, Apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ.

The day my eldest child was born, I felt such deep joy. I felt she was the reason I had been born and allowed to live. This precious little gift straight from God to earth. And I had the honor to usher her into this life. I had prayed that I would be blessed with a family and now I was blessed to see the reality. I held her in my arms, and she just snuggled right in.

It was my joy to feed her and teach her to talk, allow her to walk, and play and enjoy the air and sunshine. Until November 1965, she was mine to love. She was born 23 August 1964 in Bellflower, Los Angeles, California.

When my son, Phillip LeRoy was born, my husband felt deep joy. It matched my own, as now I had two sweet little ones to love. He was born 3 November 1965 in Norwalk, Los Angeles, California. Until Thanksgiving night of 1965 they were both my angels to feed and love and hold.

In 1982 I received a telephone call from an attorney. He told me that my son was in a foster home, and they wanted to adopt him. They needed me to sign the papers to allow that to happen. I let him know that I wanted to at least see my son before I would sign anything. Up until that point, I did not even know if he was alive or dead. He said that was not allowed. I told him I would never sign anything until I had the opportunity to see my son. Then I hung up.

He called back at a later time and let me know the address of the foster home. I made the arrangements and went. As I saw this young man leaning against the door, I could see in him his father, thus I knew it was really my baby in a young man’s body. Slowly, I got out of the car and as I approached him, his foster mother came out the door. She invited us into the house, and I kept staring at Phillip.

Some time later the three of us went to a little coffee shop. I was sitting next to my son and she was telling me all they could give him. My heart was breaking. They could give him all those things I had wanted him to have. I had nothing to give him. Only my love, and he did not know how I felt. He had never really even met me before. After listening, I asked my son if that is what he wanted. He said, “yes”. I told her I needed a little bit of time, but I would sign.

I must admit, I never did sign that paper. As I was standing out back by the corral, crying on the neck of a horse, I heard my son say, “Lets run away together.”  I turned and said, “Let me go tell your foster parents you are coming with me.” He begged me to say nothing, just run. I told him that if I did that, I would go to prison and then we could never be together. He ran away and the foster parents let me know I needed to leave.

In 1986 I was blessed to go the House of the Lord, the Los Angeles Temple and learn who I really am, and that families were meant to be together for all eternity. I made certain covenants while there, and I treasure those promises made unto me.

The next time I saw my children was in Colorado. The year was 1989, and my babies were all grown up. I was only allowed to stay for very short visit, yet I saw what they looked like. No longer did I see my little girl as a wee one. No longer did I mourn over what might have been, but rather, I learned that when we are obedient to our covenants, Father does bless us with our hearts desires. I was reunited with my children and that means more to me than what happened.

I would like to share with you more words spoken by a man of God:

“After all we can do in faith, the Lord will justify our hopes for greater blessings for our families than we can imagine. He wants the best for them and for us, as His children.

“We are all children of a living God. Jesus of Nazareth is His Beloved Son and our resurrected Savior. This is His Church. In it are the keys of the priesthood, and so families can be forever. This is our priceless heritage of hope. I testify that it is true in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, amen.” By President Henry B. Eyring, First Counselor in the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day-saints.”

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#BeCauseHeLives, #Blessing, #Children, #Compassion, #God, #JesusChrist, #love, #Prophets, #ShareGoodness, #VictimsOfAbuse

One Mercy from God

I love what Elder Oaks once said in regard to us who have suffered at the poor choices others made:

“While God will not prevent those choices, He will bless us to endure the consequences of other’s choices. And those whose mortal opportunities are cut short or reduced by the choices of others eventually have every blessing and opportunity offered through the Mercy and Atonement of Jesus Christ.”  Elder Dallin H. Oaks, Apostle of Jesus Christ. A member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day-saints. He is also a well known speaker and an attorney.

I personally know that the gift of Agency was not free. We all pay a price and Jesus Christ, the Son of the Most High God paid the highest price. He took upon himself our pain. Not just the sins of the world, but our pain. Yes, He knows about pain, suffering at the hands of others. He knows how we felt when beaten, starved, abused in horrendous ways, that we feel no one else understands. Yet He understands.

Many times, I have felt his tender mercy as I have felt His loving influence sweep over me. Many times I have felt lifted from off this horrible planet where others only saw beauty. Many times I have wanted to die rather than suffer more torture at the hands of evil men and women. Yet, through it all, Father was watching and weeping. The Lord paid a very high price for us, all because He loves us. I had never felt that dept of love that He has shown me.

I’m sorry if many of you do not know Him. I am sorry if this bothers you, but I just want you to know that I know God lives. I do pray this will not be deleted, but if it is, I have said my piece. Thank you for caring about me. It means a lot to me, as a feral child, to have others hear me.

I love this song. It speak volumes of love. When I hear the sweet voices of children in song it send chills down my spine. I hope you all have a great day. Hugs from a distance.

Photograph by Steve Gills.

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