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You don’t believe in God?

Earlier this week, I read a post by a lady that broke my heart. I share my answer here for all who do not believe that God exists since He allows bad things to happen.

My dear Sister, it sounds as though you have been abused in horrible ways, and my heart goes out to you. I wish I could comfort you by putting my arms around you and taking you away from those who harmed you. But, I am not there in person. I can only share with you what I have learned in my 70 years of life.

Right now, you do not believe that God exists, however, that is only because you don’t know Him. Bless your heart. That is not your fault. All you have experienced is the pain of life, not the joy of knowing Him.

God will not stop anyone from using their own agency. At times, we must step back mentally and allow others to do what they do. We can warn and caution, but then we must let them make their own choices. God will make them pay for what they have done to you. Those who are kind to you, will be blessed for that kindness. If you make bad choices, He will not stop you, for the same reason.

At one time there was a major war regarding two options: our having the right to choose for ourselves or being compelled to do everything. Jesus Christ came to Earth in a body just like ours so that He could learn how we feel and why we do the things we do. He came to help us be able to get back home – where we are loved and cared for. He also had to suffer at the hands of evil people, just as we do. The only difference between Jesus Christ and us is that He was half God and half Mortal. The mortal part meant He could die a physical death. The God part meant he had the power within himself to overcome death and finish the plan God wanted for us who chose agency.

The fact that you have a body of flesh and bone with blood means that you chose agency. Which meant you would have to suffer, just as Jesus Christ suffered. Which also meant you would have to allow others their agency as well.

God is anxious to bless you, but you must trust Him. Do you know how tiny a mustard seed is? Go to a garden shop and ask to see one. A mustard seed amount of faith is all you need to ask for God’s help to understand. He will help you to find Him. He will do that for you, I promise. I was an abused as a baby, child and youth. When I was a young adult I was also abused in ways that would make your skin crawl. Yet, I came to know that God cares. He really does and He will show you if you will allow Him to.

Sorry to be so long winded, but I could not sleep until I bore my testimony to you. Gentle hugs from a sister who has been there, and come to really know God personally. You are one of His daughters, and He wants you to know that. Look at the sky in the morning and think about what there is to bless you. The very air you breathe, trees and flowers, animals, planets and stars, and YOU!

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What can Jesus Christ do for me?

Question: What can Jesus Christ do for me?

Ancient prophet’s answer from before He was born:

“And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

“And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities” (Alma 7:11–12).

Modern day answer on what He has already done:

“Thus, the Savior has suffered not just for our sins and iniquities—but also for our physical pains and anguish, our weaknesses and shortcomings, our fears and frustrations, our disappointments and discouragement, our regrets and remorse, our despair and desperation, the injustices and inequities we experience, and the emotional distresses that beset us.

“There is no physical pain, no spiritual wound, no anguish of soul or heartache, no infirmity or weakness you or I ever confront in mortality that the Savior did not experience first. In a moment of weakness we may cry out, “No one knows what it is like. No one understands.” But the Son of God perfectly knows and understands, for He has felt and borne our individual burdens. And because of His infinite and eternal sacrifice (see Alma 34:14), He has perfect empathy and can extend to us His arm of mercy. He can reach out, touch, succor, heal, and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do relying only upon our own power. Indeed, His yoke is easy and His burden is light.” (David A Bednar, an Apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ – April 2014)

This woman’s answer:

If you really want to know, go to your private place and ask God if Jesus Christ really did this for you. What do you stand in need of? Comfort, forgiveness, healing, or the ability to forgive?  Your freedom to choose was not free. He is the only one who paid the price so you can really be free.  Now the choice is yours, will you allow Him to help you?

He has helped me and I know He can help you, and I share these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

 

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To my son

I take this from the Book of Mormon, yet the words are not only Alma’s they are mine:

My son, give ear to my words; for I swear unto you, that inasmuch as ye shall keep the commandments of God ye shall prosper in the land.

I would that ye should do as I have done, in remembering the captivity of our fathers; for they were in bondage, and none could deliver them except it was the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob; and he surely did deliver them in their afflictions. (You know that I came when I learned of where you were. God blessed me with you that night – thank you for saving me from your friends.)

And now, O my son (Phillip), behold, thou art in thy youth, and therefore, I beseech of thee that thou wilt hear my words and learn of me; for I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day.

And I would not that ye think that I know of myself—not of the temporal but of the spiritual, not of the carnal mind but of God.

Now, behold, I say unto you, if I had not been born of God I should not have known these things; but God has, by the mouth of his holy angel, made these things known unto me, not of any worthiness of myself;

My sweet man, now. You are no longer my little boy. I only held you from birth until you were a two week old baby, then again in Colorado in 1989. My son, when I found you at 17, I could not hold. You were someone else’s son. The only reason I knew it was you is because you looked so much like your father. When your step-mother, or whomever that lady was in Colorado said, “What kind of a mother are you to not even recognize your own children.” she was right. A big difference between a child being fed at my breast and a man sitting there in a full beard and long hair. Nonetheless, when I looked into your eyes, I recognized you.

The reason I sat so long holding my hands together that night was because I was pleading with Father to help me be calm and not feel the pain of the words being thrown at me. I had wanted so badly to see you both that I did not want this moment to end.

Now, all these years have gone by, and I am almost ready to go back to my heavenly home. Perhaps, if it is Father’s will, I can see you when you and Rebecca leave this earth. If not, know this. I never stopped loving you.

The picture was taken when I did not know who you were. I just knew you and your sister were sitting on a swing and I pushed you. Larry brought you to my home and your grandfather took this picture of us. By the time I got a copy of it, you were a full grown man. Pain knows no bounds at times. Yet, this little picture has been in my home, in a place of honor,  since I received it. I used to have a small statue of Jesus holding little children, and I taped it to that. Then, I found a woman who had lost her children to death and gave her the statue, but I kept this picture next to my mission theme. I have Christ in my heart, so I only needed to see you and Rebecca once in awhile to be comforted. Now that your grandfather is gone, I was blessed by your Aunt Pat to get the picture of you two on your second birthday. The one where Rebecca had three candles and you had two on the same cake, and you both were smiling. I have that hanging on my kitchen cupboards. Good night my sweet one.

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Sad memories

I can remember when I began to bleed and was rushed to the hospital. My husband came and sat beside me, holding my hand. I had just given birth to a little a few months previously, and did not really know what was going on.

Then, the doctor came in and said, “It’s cancer. We need to get you upstairs right away. You will have no more children.” He then looked at my husband as the nurse gave me a shot. My husband went with him and I went to sleep.

When I was able to go home, my husband paced behind the couch. I asked him to come hold me. He back up. Then, he said, ‘I can’t take this. A baby is one thing, cancer is something else. I need to leave, now.” He walked out the door and drove off.

I was so alone, so scared, and had no one to call or any way to find comfort. I put a blanket around my baby and get into my car and just drove.

Tears fell down my face and I don’t remember what my thoughts were. I just know I drove until I saw the red lights flashing in my rear view mirror. I pulled the car over to the side of the road, and the officer motioned me to roll down my window.

“Did you know you were going over 100 miles an hour?” he asked. I continued to cry and then he leaned over and looked at my little girl on the front seat. He asked me to step out of the car, which I did, and then he talked to me. I spoke of what had happened, and he took us to a coffee shop and we talked. He made a phone call, then told me to follow him. He took me home to be with his wife, who held me and comforted me until I could stop crying.

I was there for 3 days and nights, while she cared for me and my child. Then, I went home, and began to think of how I was going to care for a child and still have my treatments. How was I going to work… Life was never easy, but I did what I had to do. I survived, until the next bout of cancer stuck it’s ugly head up.

Sorry to be so down tonight. I should have been in bed almost an hour ago. I shall return and then begin again. Good night.

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#Christian, #Depression, #Hope, #loss, #love, #Meditation

For those who mourn

For Those Who Mourn
By Paul Buckingham

Just one of those quiet, aged sisters
Who touched your soul with her smile;
Slowly, unpretentiously she moved about
Keeping commandments,
Attending,
Serving.
She is
Someone’s daughter,
Someone’s mother,
Someone’s wife,
Now a widow,
Dead.

And few notice her passing.
There is no crowded chapel,
No rippled shock of grief
Through generations of humanity—
Just a quiet, undecorated,
Mildly celebrated
Death.

Her obituary notice falls
In yesterday’s trash,
The funeral flowers wilt and dry.
But in the
Heart of heaven
There are kisses on her cheek,
Embraces,
For a cherished spirit has returned,
A prized daughter is crowned,
Glorified.
And I suspect it was such a
Quiet death
Because we could not hear the
Celebration of her
Arrival.

This gives me comfort this night. Tonight, I think of my youngest child. My dear sweet daughter whom was never really mine. She was created from pain and suffering, and survived because I pleaded with God to give her life. She was willing to just obtain her body then go back home.

I know not if she is alive or dead. I had to give her to someone who had prayed for a child and could not have her own. She came to me unexpected, and at that time not wanted. Yet, when she came forth, how could I not love her and want her. A neighbor’s son married me so the name on her birth certificate would never bring her shame. Yet, she was not his either.

On the 9th of April she was born in body. I still mourn for what might have been if I had only had a righteous husband to love and protect me from evil. But then, if I had that man, she never would have been born. She came during the course of a few nights and days from wicked men who broke into my home.

I mourn for my own children, whom I never was allowed to love and raise. Yet, I do not mourn for them, as I know they were blessed while out of my keep. They were able to love each other and nurture each other. My daughter was mother to my son when I could not be.

My world may be different than yours, but we are all different, yet the same, aren’t we?

I shall love my children through all eternity, yet they are not mine. They belong to God, just as I do. I pray they learned of Him.

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Comfort

“True discipleship is for volunteers only. Only volunteers will trust the Guide sufficiently to follow Him in the dangerous ascent which only He can lead.”
― Neal A. Maxwell

I do love this quote from Elder Maxwell. And that poster of Elder Holland speaking gives me great hope. I also love God’s Son’s Temples. Yes, I am referring to the Houses of the Lord, Jesus Christ which are spotted around the earth at this time.

I have several chronic illnesses. Some tell me I must be a real bad sinner to be so sick all my life. Some tell me that God is punishing me for something I must have done before I came here. Before I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day-saints, I believed them.

In the Holy Bible: John 9:3 says:

“Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.”

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day-saints, God has restored to earth the Holy Priesthood. This priesthood has the power to heal. I know this is truth, as men who honor that priesthood have blessed me many times to be healed.

https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/john/9.3?lang=eng#media=jesus-heals-a-man-born-blind

I invite you to watch this video so you too can see how they do it. This power that God gave to His Son, Jesus Christ, He has also given to worthy men in this day and age.

The thing I want you to notice is, after Jesus put the clay in his eyes, he told him to do something. Because the man did what the Lord told him to do, he was healed. It is the same today. We must have the faith to do what the Lord asks us to do before the blessings take place.

I don’t know why God has allowed me the honor to suffer for Him. I join Paul in stating this fact. (Acts 5: 41-42.) I only know this is truth.

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Meditation

When I was young, I lived with my uncle and his 2nd wife. During the summer they took all of us foster children to Yosemite to camp for a week. Back in those day, one could put up a tent, set up camp and just go enjoy nature. It was wonderful.

There was a spot at the bottom of the falls where a small pond pooled and we could go swimming. Back then, I was still afraid of water, nonetheless, soon I was splashing and having a grand time with the rest of the children. The days were warm and the nights awe inspiring. The sky was clear and the air crisp. It reminded me of when I lived out back. Now I was around people, but I think I liked it better in the back yard than with this group of people.

One night, after we had gone to bed, I heard my cousin giggling. I rolled over and peeked towards her tent. There were two bear cubs playing with her stuff. One of them was licking her toes. I just lay there watching them, until they finally wandered off. Then, I jumped up and asked my cousin if she had washed her feet before she went to bed. She said, “No”, but after that she did each night. I heard later that she got the tent and I got the sleeping bag since I would not do what was required of me before we came. Silly them. I liked sleeping outdoors better anyway.

During the week there was what is called a “Fire Fall” where the boy scouts would build a large bonfire and then at a certain time shout out, “Let the fire fall” and then push the hot coals over the cliff. It was an actual waterfall of red rather than a normal waterfall. You could hear the shout all across the valley below.

After everyone was asleep, I would go over to pond and walk behind the falls and touch the water. I would think about God and how He was watching us even though we were far from home. I wondered if my mother could see me. Due to some issues caused by my earlier youth, I was in a lot of physical pain most of the time. However, when I was out in nature I felt such peace. I could almost ignore the pain and depression of not having anyone to really love me in a good way.

Many times over the years I would come back to Yosemite by myself, then I moved to the desert and found the same type of peace among the cactus flowers. Then, I moved to be close to the ocean. I loved it in San Diego, California. I used to play the Autoharp and would take my instrument where ever I went to sing praises to the Lord. Back then, I did not know that I was really His daughter, but I wanted to have a Father like him.

There were times in my life when I had to be very quiet. I used to draw to help me pass the time and soon I became almost good at it. I used to push my dresser in front of my bedroom door to keep me and the smaller children safe and to keep others out of my room. Finally I began to run away, even though they kept taking me back. After I got older, I learned that I could earn meals by playing music or drawing people in restaurants, and when I set up my easel on the sidewalks, I could earn money by drawing those who saw my work. Soon, I had enough money to get a place to live. But even sleeping in the mountains or on the beach, I felt much safer alone than being around others.

It wasn’t until I moved to Yuma, Arizona that I began to learn who I really am.

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