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You don’t believe in God?

Earlier this week, I read a post by a lady that broke my heart. I share my answer here for all who do not believe that God exists since He allows bad things to happen.

My dear Sister, it sounds as though you have been abused in horrible ways, and my heart goes out to you. I wish I could comfort you by putting my arms around you and taking you away from those who harmed you. But, I am not there in person. I can only share with you what I have learned in my 70 years of life.

Right now, you do not believe that God exists, however, that is only because you don’t know Him. Bless your heart. That is not your fault. All you have experienced is the pain of life, not the joy of knowing Him.

God will not stop anyone from using their own agency. At times, we must step back mentally and allow others to do what they do. We can warn and caution, but then we must let them make their own choices. God will make them pay for what they have done to you. Those who are kind to you, will be blessed for that kindness. If you make bad choices, He will not stop you, for the same reason.

At one time there was a major war regarding two options: our having the right to choose for ourselves or being compelled to do everything. Jesus Christ came to Earth in a body just like ours so that He could learn how we feel and why we do the things we do. He came to help us be able to get back home – where we are loved and cared for. He also had to suffer at the hands of evil people, just as we do. The only difference between Jesus Christ and us is that He was half God and half Mortal. The mortal part meant He could die a physical death. The God part meant he had the power within himself to overcome death and finish the plan God wanted for us who chose agency.

The fact that you have a body of flesh and bone with blood means that you chose agency. Which meant you would have to suffer, just as Jesus Christ suffered. Which also meant you would have to allow others their agency as well.

God is anxious to bless you, but you must trust Him. Do you know how tiny a mustard seed is? Go to a garden shop and ask to see one. A mustard seed amount of faith is all you need to ask for God’s help to understand. He will help you to find Him. He will do that for you, I promise. I was an abused as a baby, child and youth. When I was a young adult I was also abused in ways that would make your skin crawl. Yet, I came to know that God cares. He really does and He will show you if you will allow Him to.

Sorry to be so long winded, but I could not sleep until I bore my testimony to you. Gentle hugs from a sister who has been there, and come to really know God personally. You are one of His daughters, and He wants you to know that. Look at the sky in the morning and think about what there is to bless you. The very air you breathe, trees and flowers, animals, planets and stars, and YOU!

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God Is:

“For as I passed by, and beheld your devotions, I found an altar with this inscription, TO THE UNKNOWN GOD. Whom therefore ye ignorantly worship, him declare I unto you.
“God that made the world and all things therein, seeing that he is Lord of heaven and earth, dwelleth not in temples made with hands;
“Neither is worshipped with men’s hands, as though he needed any thing, seeing he giveth to all life, and breath, and all things;
“And hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation;
“That they should seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us:
“For in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain also of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring.
“Forasmuch then as we are the offspring of God, we ought not to think that the Godhead is like unto gold, or silver, or stone, graven by art and man’s device.
“And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent:
“Because he hath appointed a day, in the which he will judge the world in righteousness by that man whom he hath ordained; whereof he hath given assurance unto all men, in that he hath raised him from the dead.” (Acts 17:23-29)

In the very first book written in Holy rite we find this truth:

“And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” (Genesis 1:26-27)

Many people do not understand this one basic fact: We are not just “form” or “essence” but rather we are specific beings (both form and essence), male and female. Together, we are “man”. Which is actually short for mankind.

God has an “image” just like our “image”. He has a head with hair and body parts, with passions, emotions, and feelings.

God is an “Eternal” Father and “Mother”. Not that his body contains both sexes, oh no. But rather there are “two” who became as one.

Just as a person marries a person of the opposite gender to become “one”. Father and Mother come together to create another person. Just as you created your children, so our Heavenly Father and Mother created Jesus Christ. First a child is created spiritually (without a body) and then they are created mortally (with a body).

For me, this is “love”. Real love. I am like my Heavenly Mother. I have a Heavenly Father and they love me.

I also had a mortal mother. I had a mortal father. Together, they created my body and my Heavenly Parents placed my Spirit into that body. I shall be eternally grateful to them all for that gift.

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Tribute to Police

I want you to know that I honor and respect those who risk their lives to defend and protect the innocent. Those who go beyond the call of duty as they offer a kind word or a smile when they see someone who needs it.

My first encounter of kindness was because of a police officer who lifted me out of a tub of water where I was being drowned. I shall always hold a special place in my heart for him, and in memory of him, have forgiven the officers who have treated me unkindly because they did not know who I am.

In today’s world of strife and turmolt we hear more about the evil being done by people than the good being done by many. I would like to share my experiences with those who were kind in my life during times of trial.

Many times growing up I slept in trees rather than be sold to those who abused me in ways I will not talk about. I slept in a turkey ranch bathroom one time, and found that hiding place better than in the home of evil. Many times in my youth, when the police found me, they did lock me up because I refused to go home. Behind bars I was safe, and am grateful for that safety. I’m sure others find that strange, but for many children, it is the only form of safety they have. Thank you for all those you saved from things worse than most “normal” people understand.

As an adult, I worked at a Juvenile Hall and was able to help a few girls who were there for reasons I understood. I found I could not do it very long, because I wanted to take them home with me, but since I had no husband, I could not do that for them. I thank all those who take in older children and tolerate their deeds while they learn that there really are good people in the world.

After a burglary, when I was in my 20’s, police rescued me once again. At the police department, while I did not like the questions they ask and the photographs they took, I did understand why they had to do those things. Years after that, I became an advocate for those girls and women who had to suffer what needed to be done. I kept the officers from putting the blame on the wrong person. Know that even a hooker should not be raped or tortured. No female or male should be raped or tortured.

My second husband left me right after that rape baby was born. Back then, it was felt by some that cancer was contagious and he learned I had it and didn’t want to catch it. The night he left, I took the baby, got into my car and began to drive. I saw the lights in my rearview mirror. The officer came up to the window and saw that I had been crying. His partner saw the baby on the seat, opened the door and began to lecture me about the danger I put my child in. The first officer hushed his partner and drove me, the baby and my car to a donut shop. We sat and talked for a very long time. By the time I had calmed down, he called his wife and she and I stayed together for several days, until I was able to pack my things and find another place to live. We stayed friends for many years. I know that was above and beyond what most would have done. Thank you.

Many times I have had interaction with the police, some experiences were not good, when there was misunderstanding on how to treat a woman like me. I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) which began in my early youth and continued until old age.

I have known the fear of standing in front of loaded weapons to defend and protect the innocent. I have known the pain in trying to stop a person on drugs from doing harm to themselves or others. I know the frustration of having to not say or do anything when I see things I can not change. I know the nightmares of injuries inflicted by those who only wanted me dead. I also know the joy of helping someone and seeing them after the drama is over and they are doing well. I also know the peace that comes from knowing that even though sometimes we fail, we are not failures. The peace that comes when we do what is right even when all around us there is no peace. I know that we can stand when the earth shakes to help those who can not stand.

When you have been where the Police have been, then you can know most of them are doing the best they can with what they have to deal with. I salute the police. I honor you. I pray for God to bless and protect you. I know that angels are around you and recording all that happens to you.

Those who abuse anyone will have to answer for what they do, just as what we all do is put on the books in heaven and we will all be accountable for what we do. I know when we do good, in spite of what is going on around us, that God smiles and someday we shall receive our reward.

Thank you with all my heart for the kindnesses you have shown me and others.  

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On Prayer

Many people have heard the Lord’s prayer so often, they tend to ignore it. They know words, but not really understand what the words really mean. From the Holy Bible, in the Book of Luke in the New Testament (King James Version), we read:

“ And it came to pass, that, as he (Jesus) was praying in a certain place, when he ceased, one of his disciples said unto him, Lord, teach us to pray, as John also taught his disciples.
“And he said unto them, When ye pray, say, Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so in earth.
“Give us day by day our daily bread.
“And forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil.
“And he said unto them, Which of you shall have a friend, and shall go unto him at midnight, and say unto him, Friend, lend me three loaves;
“For a friend of mine in his journey is come to me, and I have nothing to set before him?
“And he from within shall answer and say, Trouble me not: the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give thee.
“I say unto you, Though he will not rise and give him, because he is his friend, yet because of his importunity he will rise and give him as many as he needeth.
“And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
“For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” (Luke 11:1-10)

It is by the much begging that caused that good man to get up and open the door and give the bread unto his friend. He knew that if he did not get up, his friend would nag him so much he would get no sleep.

Does God know that you will continue to plead with Him over your struggles? Do you tell Him that you need Him? Do you go to him over all your days? Do you share your joys and your sorrows with Him each and every day? How do you expect His help when He never hears from you?

One of the things God has asked of us, is to come to Him. He asked us to pray over everything: our fields, our flocks, our herds, our food, our drink, our children, our parents, over everything and that even includes our enemies.  From the Book of Mormon we read:

“Therefore may God grant unto you, my (sisters and) brethren, that ye may begin to exercise your faith unto repentance, that ye begin to call upon his holy name, that he would have mercy upon you;

“Yea, cry unto him for mercy; for he is mighty to save.

“Yea, humble yourselves, and continue in prayer unto him.

“Cry unto him when ye are in your fields, yea, over all your flocks.

“Cry unto him in your houses, yea, over all your household, both morning, mid-day, and evening.

“Yea, cry unto him against the power of your enemies.

“Yea, cry unto him against the devil, who is an enemy to all righteousness.

“Cry unto him over the crops of your fields, that ye may prosper in them.

“Cry over the flocks of your fields, that they may increase.

“But this is not all; ye must pour out your souls in your closets, and your secret places, and in your wilderness.

“Yea, and when you do not cry unto the Lord, let your hearts be full, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your welfare, and also for the welfare of those who are around you.” (Alma 34:17-27)

In my lifetime I have received more blessings than I can ever adequately give thanks for. The Lord has been so good to me. I have had so many experiences in sickness and in health that leave me with no shadow of a doubt in my heart and mind that there is a God in heaven, that He is our Father, and that He hears and answers our prayers.

As I look to, listen, and read what the prophets of God say, I treasure their words. My very first living prophet was Spencer W. Kimball, who said:

“We must remember that reverence is not a somber, temporary behavior that we adopt on Sunday. True reverence involves happiness, as well as love, respect, gratitude, and godly fear. It is a virtue that should be part of our way of life.” (Spencer W. Kimball)

It is my prayer that we may all remember to pray and bring God back into our lives on a daily basis. He needs to hear from us. I pray you will join your faith with mine in asking for His help in our lives and in our Country, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen

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Children

“When you choose whether to make or keep a covenant with God, you choose whether you will leave an inheritance of hope to those who might follow your example.” Henry B Eyring, Apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ.

The day my eldest child was born, I felt such deep joy. I felt she was the reason I had been born and allowed to live. This precious little gift straight from God to earth. And I had the honor to usher her into this life. I had prayed that I would be blessed with a family and now I was blessed to see the reality. I held her in my arms, and she just snuggled right in.

It was my joy to feed her and teach her to talk, allow her to walk, and play and enjoy the air and sunshine. Until November 1965, she was mine to love. She was born 23 August 1964 in Bellflower, Los Angeles, California.

When my son, Phillip LeRoy was born, my husband felt deep joy. It matched my own, as now I had two sweet little ones to love. He was born 3 November 1965 in Norwalk, Los Angeles, California. Until Thanksgiving night of 1965 they were both my angels to feed and love and hold.

In 1982 I received a telephone call from an attorney. He told me that my son was in a foster home, and they wanted to adopt him. They needed me to sign the papers to allow that to happen. I let him know that I wanted to at least see my son before I would sign anything. Up until that point, I did not even know if he was alive or dead. He said that was not allowed. I told him I would never sign anything until I had the opportunity to see my son. Then I hung up.

He called back at a later time and let me know the address of the foster home. I made the arrangements and went. As I saw this young man leaning against the door, I could see in him his father, thus I knew it was really my baby in a young man’s body. Slowly, I got out of the car and as I approached him, his foster mother came out the door. She invited us into the house, and I kept staring at Phillip.

Some time later the three of us went to a little coffee shop. I was sitting next to my son and she was telling me all they could give him. My heart was breaking. They could give him all those things I had wanted him to have. I had nothing to give him. Only my love, and he did not know how I felt. He had never really even met me before. After listening, I asked my son if that is what he wanted. He said, “yes”. I told her I needed a little bit of time, but I would sign.

I must admit, I never did sign that paper. As I was standing out back by the corral, crying on the neck of a horse, I heard my son say, “Lets run away together.”  I turned and said, “Let me go tell your foster parents you are coming with me.” He begged me to say nothing, just run. I told him that if I did that, I would go to prison and then we could never be together. He ran away and the foster parents let me know I needed to leave.

In 1986 I was blessed to go the House of the Lord, the Los Angeles Temple and learn who I really am, and that families were meant to be together for all eternity. I made certain covenants while there, and I treasure those promises made unto me.

The next time I saw my children was in Colorado. The year was 1989, and my babies were all grown up. I was only allowed to stay for very short visit, yet I saw what they looked like. No longer did I see my little girl as a wee one. No longer did I mourn over what might have been, but rather, I learned that when we are obedient to our covenants, Father does bless us with our hearts desires. I was reunited with my children and that means more to me than what happened.

I would like to share with you more words spoken by a man of God:

“After all we can do in faith, the Lord will justify our hopes for greater blessings for our families than we can imagine. He wants the best for them and for us, as His children.

“We are all children of a living God. Jesus of Nazareth is His Beloved Son and our resurrected Savior. This is His Church. In it are the keys of the priesthood, and so families can be forever. This is our priceless heritage of hope. I testify that it is true in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, amen.” By President Henry B. Eyring, First Counselor in the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day-saints.”

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One Mercy from God

I love what Elder Oaks once said in regard to us who have suffered at the poor choices others made:

“While God will not prevent those choices, He will bless us to endure the consequences of other’s choices. And those whose mortal opportunities are cut short or reduced by the choices of others eventually have every blessing and opportunity offered through the Mercy and Atonement of Jesus Christ.”  Elder Dallin H. Oaks, Apostle of Jesus Christ. A member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day-saints. He is also a well known speaker and an attorney.

I personally know that the gift of Agency was not free. We all pay a price and Jesus Christ, the Son of the Most High God paid the highest price. He took upon himself our pain. Not just the sins of the world, but our pain. Yes, He knows about pain, suffering at the hands of others. He knows how we felt when beaten, starved, abused in horrendous ways, that we feel no one else understands. Yet He understands.

Many times, I have felt his tender mercy as I have felt His loving influence sweep over me. Many times I have felt lifted from off this horrible planet where others only saw beauty. Many times I have wanted to die rather than suffer more torture at the hands of evil men and women. Yet, through it all, Father was watching and weeping. The Lord paid a very high price for us, all because He loves us. I had never felt that dept of love that He has shown me.

I’m sorry if many of you do not know Him. I am sorry if this bothers you, but I just want you to know that I know God lives. I do pray this will not be deleted, but if it is, I have said my piece. Thank you for caring about me. It means a lot to me, as a feral child, to have others hear me.

I love this song. It speak volumes of love. When I hear the sweet voices of children in song it send chills down my spine. I hope you all have a great day. Hugs from a distance.

Photograph by Steve Gills.

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Jesus Loves the Little Children

Mathew 5: 1-12 (with additions from the KJV-JST)

1 And seeing the multitudes, he (Jesus Christ) went up into a mountain: and when he was set, his disciples came unto him:

2 And he opened his mouth, and taught them, saying,

3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: who come unto me, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4 Blessed are they that mourn: who come unto me, for they shall be comforted.

5 Blessed are the meek: who come unto me, for they shall inherit the earth.

6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

7 Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.

12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

As a small child, I mourned for my mother. Life was so hard back then. While I loved the trees, fruit, animals and sky, I wanted my mother. Now, as I grow old, I mourn my children this night. I miss being a mother. Those few years with my babies meant so much to me.

My youngest daughter and I sang silly songs together and loved to go to the park. We loved snuggling together and just spending time together. I loved it when she brought me flowers or when she had written a new song for her piano and played it for me. She and I were together only 5 short years, but that was over twice as long as I had my eldest two.

I remember one time, I was very sick, and taking a nap on the couch. I thought my little girl was in bed, however, I soon felt a dripping cloth on my face. She had taken a wash cloth, dipped it in the toilet (she could not reach the sink) and put it over my face to help me feel better. She was so tender.

I remember feeding my son, and my oldest daughter came into the room, climbed up on the bed, and put her head in my lap. I sang to them both that night. It was the last time I saw either of them for many years.

I’m glad Jesus Christ loves the little children. Aren’t you?

The drawing is of my half-sister which I created for a Mental Health Therapist when I was young. I used to be an artist.

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