Faith and hope. I know this might sound like old hat to some, but when someone has never seen any in their own lives, how can they have hope that things will get better for them? How can they have faith in someone whom they do not really know?
Thus, for my ladder, the first step is Prayer. We all need to learn how to communicate with God. Even with just a tiny, itsy bitsy drop of trust that God is listening can open up an entire world. For me, this is “faith” and “hope”.
The second step is to read the scriptures. I know that most of those who have been abused have heard the words all mixed up. Unworthy men and women have pounded them with “parts” of the gospel, yet never really showed them the “real” gospel of Jesus Christ.
The third step is obedience. Let me give a couple of examples.
Honor thy Father and they Mother and Obey your husband.
Scriptures used by abusers include “spare the rod and spoil the child” or “Women need to be in subjection to their husbands.” Many hear put downs and other things much worse. Who wants to be with an unworthy parent or spouse?
That type of teaching is totally out of context. Lies can take something sacred and twist it into something that causes pain and suffering.
1st) God is our Father. We need to honor God, because He loves us 100 percent. “Solomon’s saying, “spare the rod and spoil the child,” ought to be altered to “spare the rod” and “give good counsel to children and thus draw them to you.” Brigham Young once said that and I agree with him.
“Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him (or her) whom thou hast reproved, lest he (or she) esteem thee to be his (or her) enemy;
“That he (or she) may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.” (D&C 121:43-44)
Given to Joseph Smith Jr from God to share with others. I added the female gender because what God says to His sons He also says to His daughters.
Thus, it is much easier to be obedient to God than it is to any who begat children and had no clue what to do with us. As for mortal fathers, they tend to make mistakes just as children do, and we need to exercise patience and forgiveness with all.
2nd) I agree with the statement that when a man is our father or our husband, we need to follow his counsel. However, there is a qualifier: only as long as he is obedient to God’s laws. When he stops doing that, then he should not be followed. Any man or woman who abuses another is going to have to explain why to God, so I suggest you pray for them to repent before that day comes. The main thing is, you keep being obedient to God first, and all else will fall into place.
3rd) Women were not created to serve men. She was created for the express purpose to be a “helpmate” for him. Not to be beneath him in any way, nor was she his slave. Let us examine for a moment what a “helpmate” really is. A helpmate:
1) Walks beside her husband and lifts him when he tends to droop down.
2) Walks beside her husband and sustains him in his righteous desires.
3) Blesses him with offspring, and helps him to learn how to be a good father just like God is a good father.
4) Watches over and cares for him in sickness and in health.
Some feel a wife is someone:
1) To cook and clean the house
2) To have sex with
3) To raise children
4) To take frustrations out on.
I have news, ladies and gentlemen:
A. You are not a servant to each other, yet you do want to keep a clean home so the Holy Spirit can be there. Your spouse should desire this same thing. This is not just a “female” job. You do want to nourish and care for the bodies of those to whom God has allowed you to be with. And that includes yourself. This is not just a “female” job.
B. You do want intimacy with someone who will treasure and respect you for the precious daughter or son of God you are, and you do want to show your companion that you respect them as a precious child of God as well. This is not just a “female” job. This is a “male and female” job. This is a gift, if you will, from a loving Father and Mother who created you to be just like Them. (I am not speaking of your mortal parents)
C. You do desire to love and help your offspring to find truth and light and love. You do desire to want the best for them, and that is not just a “female” job, that is a “male and female” job.
D. Frustrations are felt by both male and female. Neither of us, male or female, need to be browbeaten by those whom we are joined with. That includes father, mother, spouse, and yes, that also includes children.
Okay, now some are in total disgust, because you know for you that has not been a reality. I hear you loud and clear. But before you knock it, try it. How kind are you to the person whom you thought was to be your eternal companion? Be truthful here. I’m not meaning to cause shame, I just want you to really look at yourself first, before you nag them or complain to others about them. Take those three steps up and breath some fresh air. You might like it.